From me up in Canuckistan and Gary Oldman back in Blighty, I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with love, happiness, family, friends, pumpkin pie, turkey, stuffing, and definitely none of that sweet potato pie/casserole crap, which is just what Southerners have instead of decent carbohydrates.
November 29, 2013
November 27, 2013
Turkey a la Kardashian
Unlike the Kardashians themselves, Turkey a la Kardashian is at least comprised of biodegradeable materials. And it’s not high maintenance: a couple of lemons under the skin is as spicy as this dish likes to get! Five minutes and you’re good to go, although we understand certain chefs may prefer to spend a lot more time with the butter and the spice rub.
Then of course there is this season’s biggest hit, the Twerky. (more…)
November 19, 2013
November 18, 2013
Wedge Issue
Iceberg wedge with homemade Russian dressing. Perfect salad for the onion soup lunch pic.twitter.com/KQatWUKUdl
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 17, 2013
Martha, Martha, Martha! First of all, as Jezebel rightly points out, your phone photos of food are even worse than my own, and constitute an aid to the burgeoning anorexia movement.
Secondly, that is way, way too much dressing.
Thirdly, wedge salad is crap. There, I said it. Sometimes you feel like crap, okay? I get that. I’ve been there. But nobody should be expected to pay for this crap; certainly not the $5 and up you’ll see it priced at (I once saw wedge salad at $14, but the place went out of business shortly thereafter). There’s no amount of pinky-beige dressing that makes it okay to charge for 25 cents worth of iceberg lettuce that can’t even be thoroughly washed because you won’t take it apart. You want to feel nostalgic for “old diner food?” Go to an old diner, m’kay? They wouldn’t dare charge you for this.
And if someone presented this to a hungover me at brunch, what do you think would happen? EH? Well, the plate wouldn’t look any different afterward, and that’s a fact. The nastiest practical joke I ever heard consisted of someone filling an airplane sick bag with Thousand Island Dressing and pulling it out when the plane hit turbulence, to retch ostentatiously in it before spilling it all over the aisle. Yes, vomiting is contagious, in case you were wondering.
That’s probably the REAL reason you can’t take more than 100ml of liquid on a plane any more.
Meanwhile, at the cool kids’ table:
October 17, 2013
July 6, 2013
Stop the Presses: NIGELLA IS FREE!!!1!
Gentlemen, start your saucepans: Nigella Lawson and her complete enema of a billionaire are getting a Dee-Vorse! Here’s his whole snively, double-talking, non-apology statement. Nigella is too busy fielding calls from Prince Hot Ginge and George Clooney to be bothered issuing a statement.
And I’m giving this the Food Porn tag because a) I know some degenerate out there is going to fap to it and b) well, two more reasons, scroll up.
June 7, 2013
The Cheese Stands Alone
Lock up your heirs! It’s Paris Stilton!
Funny, I’d have lost a bet about the specific geolocation of the cheese. Sorry about spoiling your next casserole.