Spirit Animal

This man is my hero (with a few caveats).

According to the guy who twitpic’d him, this blithe cheese fiend was digging into the wheel of Brie with his fingers and then putting it on crackers. Okay, gross. Dude clearly needs to upgrade to crackers with decent cutting ability; you use the cracker edge like a knife to cut off a piece of cheese and then, coincidentally, the cheese is on the cracker already! How convenient is that? From long experience, I would recommend your quotidian saltines, or a Wasa crispbread, perhaps the rye; although it is not sharp, it has a tensile strength that is truly gasp-inducing. When the apocalypse comes, you’ll be able to build fallout shelters from this stuff. Carr’s are, although lovely, easily shattered by the cheese-cutting operation, and are to be steered clear of in subway picnicking situations.

Also, Miss Manners will certainly back me up on this: stinky cheese should not be shared in enclosed spaces without the consent of those enclosed in the spaces. Also, if your Brie is stinky there’s something wrong with it, so this probably wasn’t Brie but something in the family. God knows I loves me some Chaumes, but the fumes will dissolve window glass. If in fact it was Brie, then he’s probably paying the karmic price for stinking up the subway car, spending the weekend on the bathroom floor, groaning.

To get your transit picnic right, remember these key things: No stinky cheeses! Or you’ll get mocked all over the blogosphere! And either a knife (really, who does not carry cutlery with them at all times? It is for such emergencies the Swiss Army gadget was invented! Get the one with the corkscrew, of course) or crackers of sufficient strength to both cleave and provide a satisfying textural contrast with the creamy cheese. Bonus points: an actual cloth napkin, because you’ll never get the grease stains out of your $300 leather satchel.

2 Responses to “Spirit Animal”

  1. Laurie Ashton Farook October 12, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    Too funny!

    In Singapore, rules are more strict. No eating or drinking on busses or trains, naturally. But also, no durian. Not as in no eating durian on the train, although there’s that, too. But more specifically, you are not allowed to bring any durian onto trains or busses period.

  2. raincoaster October 12, 2013 at 11:01 pm #

    Apparently eating on the NYC subway is allowed. It’s not allowed in the Vancouver Skytrain, but god knows we’re all familiar with the phenomenon of the bag of McDonalds smelling up the entire car while some low rent Homer shovels a Big Mac into his pie hole.

    If I made the laws there’d be no durian ANYWHERE.