Whipped Cream Vodka
Via Wayne Racine:
Is there a NFTW tag? If so this deserves it. Imitation whipped cream flavoured vodka. No thank-you!http://instagr.am/p/PbuH8/
I guess this is useful for when you’re all out of Malibu and you have exactly a half-hour to get drunk and pass out before your parents get home.
Okay, I must admit that I live on the West Coast. That being said, I might enjoy 45 seconds on the nightly news about how much the East Coast sucks. Then an additional 45 seconds on these “hurricane” things that they make so big a deal about. Then, move on to important stuff like how nice the weather is today in California.
Instead, I get 20 or 30 minutes of NPR and CNN and Whoever talking about the damn rain and wind and how you should have heeded Obama and taken the subway to safety (although the subway was shut down for safety, but hey, whaddayougonnado?).
However, I finally got something that speaks to me, personally, about the dangers of hurricanes. And that is:
THE WAFFLE HOUSE INDEX
This is the most clear and concise measure of how dangerous conditions are that I have ever seen. Threat Level Chartreuse? Code Red? Defcon 3? Who the hell knows what any of those mean? But
“Waffle House Green means the restaurant is serving a full menu, a signal that damage in an area is limited and the lights are on. Yellow means a limited menu, indicating power from a generator, at best, and low food supplies. Red means the restaurant is closed, a sign of severe damage in the area or unsafe conditions.”
Those are clear measures of danger. I mean, I have been to Waffle Houses in the most severe of personal conditions. But I have always held the faith that the Waffle House would be there when I needed it. (And a vomit cleaning crew who, sadly, I was too messed up to leave a tip for). So, if there is “Waffle House Code Red” that is a clear indication that I need to take things seriously and immediately finish that storm cellar that I kept meaning to build.
So, the next time there are warnings of impending doom, ask for-nay demand-that they refer to the “Waffle House Scale” so you have a reality based idea of how much crap you are in for.
Holy Crap! CODE EXTREME AUNT JEMIMAH!
There had better be cream cheese in those bagels
Does this, with some fizzy lemonade, not look like the perfect summer Sunday to you?
Thirty days in the hoosegow and a fine into the hundreds of thousands. That’s what a high court in Taiwan decided was fitting punishment for a blogger who complained online about her experience in a Taichung noodle house.
The blogger, Liu, visited the noodle house about three years ago and said the food was too salty, she saw cockroaches, and the owner let customers park their cars in such a way as to cause traffic jams just outside his restaurant.
Well, last month the high court decided that Liu needed to pay for these statements to the tune of NT$200,ooo plus the jail time in order to recompense the noodle house owner for lost revenue.
The good news for the blogger? It could have been worse. While health inspectors say the noodle house is not now as unsanitary as Liu described it to be back in 2008, the court found that Liu’s comment about cockroaches was merely a statement of fact and therefore not actionable.
On the other hand, her complaint about the saltiness of the food was found to be inappropriate because she ate only one dish.
I have to say, I think this one goes a little beyond the philosophy of letting the punishment fit the crime.
Perhaps the judges should have been required to eat the food before deciding whether Liu’s description was justified or not.
Hey, everybody!
Our beloved raincoaster is taking a little vacation for a few more days. In the meantime, so as not to leave her loving minions hanging, I’ll be filling in. So fire up your stoves, pour yourselves a drink that makes you happy, and get ready for some good home cooking.
Speaking of substitutions, we’ve all made some while cooking. You know how it is. You get a yen for a particular food, get started cooking, and discover you’re out of an important ingredient for the dish.
I was about twelve when my mother taught me to make risotto. A couple weeks later, she had a meeting that ran over dinnertime and left me in charge of feeding the family. She told me to make risotto. No problemo, I assured her! My first attempt had been quite successful.
The one problem was that when it came time to get cooking, I ran into a slight hitch: I couldn’t find the rice for love nor money. To this day I have no clue where Mom had hidden the white and starchy, but it was not appearing to my wondering eyes.
I began to resemble this:
far more than I would have liked.
The good peoples at the Bacardi Daiquiri have asked the Manolo to say the few carefully chosen words about how to properly enjoy the Fourth Day of July.
To be sweet and to be short, the best way to celebrate this auspicious Day of Independence is with the good friends, the grilled food, the refreshing drinks, and things that explode.
This is the ancient prescription for happiness laid down by our American ancestors many generations in the past. Indeed, we are told that in 1778, in the midst of the Revolutionary War, the General George Washington celebrated the Fourth of July with artillery salutes and the issuance to his soldiers of the double ration of rum, i.e. exploding things and rum!
And now the Manolo asks you, what better way to take your rum than in the form of the daiquiri?
“But, Manolo,” you are perhaps saying, “the daiquiri was not invented in 1778!”
To which the Manolo replies, “ORLY?”
Perhaps you have not heard of the colonial era drink known as the “rum shrub“, the essential parts of which were rum, lime juice, and sugar.
What is the daiquiri if not the refined version of the rum shrub?
Lime juice, sugar, and rum, shaken together and poured into the frosty glass. So cool and refreshing, tart and sweet, but not cloying. The perfect drink for the hot summer’s day of celebration, and approved of by George Washington himself!
The Manolo urges you to rediscover the daiquiri for the Fourth of July: Bacardi Hand-Shaken Daiquiri!
P.S. This summer, rediscover the daiquiri. Bacardi Hand Shaken Daiquiri is the perfect addition to any summer get-together — fun, delicious, and ready to pour. Bacardi Hand Shaken Daiquiri is made with Bacardi Superior Rum, tangy lime and sugar. It is a perfectly balanced cocktail that is not too sour and not too sweet.
P.P.S. Disclosure: This is a sponsored post and compensation was provided by Bacardi via Glam Media
P.P.P.S. The opinions expressed herein are those of the Manolo and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of Bacardi
P.P.P.P.S. Please drink responsibly.
Well, Drinko de Mayo is coming up, an American drinking celebration commemorating a relatively minor battle in Mexican History where the Mexican Army in the Battle of Puebla in 1862 scored a surprising victory over French Forces. Widely celebrated in the United States, it is of minor note in Mexico. It is akin to St. Patrick’s Day, where those of Mexican Heritage in the United States can celebrate their roots. However, it is also a good reason to hoist a glass and for the rest of us to pretend we are Mexican, or at least un poco Mexican. It is also a good time to dig in to some great Mexican food, such as –
This is a very easy and great recipe for Carnitas. Instead of having to slow roast the pork for hours and hours, this recipe takes very little work. It takes time, 2-1/2 to 3 hours start to finish, but mostly that is just having things in the oven. So, whip this up and impress your friends. It has a great pork taste and makes wonderful carnitas tacos, or really outstanding carnitas burritos. If you are going to make burritos, I highly recommend black beans rather then refried or other types.
I did, once, go to a true Mexican Carnitas roast where they butchered the pig right there, cooked the carnitas and some other stuff for several hours while we drank beer and anything we could get our hands on. I was pretty useless for butchering a pig, but I could certainly hold my own in the drinking department. The carnitas were awesome, but this recipe is easily as good and about a thousand times easier.
Oven Carnitas
Serves 6-8 depending on garnishes and stuff.
Ingredients
*Pork Shoulder, boneless – about 4 lbs. Trim fat cap and cut into large (2-3 inch) chunks
*1 teaspoon ground cumin
*1 medium onion , peeled and quartered
*2 bay leaves
*1 teaspoon dried oregano
*2 tablespoons lime juice
*2 cups water
*1 orange , halved
* salt, pepper
Instructions
1. Put oven rack to lower-middle position and heat to 300 degrees. Combine pork, 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, cumin, onion, bay leaves, oregano, lime juice, (optional ground chipotle pepper) and water in large Dutch oven (you should just barely cover meat). Squeeze orange juice and remove seeds. Put juice and spent orange halves in. Bring mixture to simmer over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Cover pot and place in oven; Cook about 2 hours turning meat once. Meat should tear easily.
2. Remove pot and turn on broiler. Strain chunky junk from pot (do not skim fat from liquid). Place pot over high heat and simmer liquid, stirring frequently, until thick and syrupy, 8 to 12 minutes..
3. Tear each piece of pork in half. Toss in reduced liquid; season with salt and pepper to taste. Spread pork in even layer on wire rack set inside rimmed baking sheet or on broiler pan (meat should cover almost entire surface of rack or broiler pan). Broil 5-10 minutes per side until meat is browned and edges are very brown but not charred. Serve immediately with warm tortillas and garnishes.
Suggested garnishes are shredded cheese, diced tomatoes, salsa fresco, lime wedges, sour cream, a good bottle of bourbon, Mexican rice, a good bottle of bourbon, guacamole, thin sliced radishes, and perhaps a good bottle of bourbon
Ummm, Ummm, Bueno!
Our good friend Eric Nabler recently brought up the not-yet-pressing-in-Cauckistan-where-it-is-still-snowing question of beverages which are both appropriate and practical for consumption al fresco in the heat of high summer. We have to draw a line in the sand and say that Martinis, as delightful as they are, are (along with roulette) really an indoor activity.
For sitting outside in the heat of summer, we offer the following. But first, the world’s greatest booze commercial (note: I have never seen this product in Canada, and wouldn’t buy it if I did, but the commercial is pure awesomenosity).
Secondly, we offer this book, The Tropical Bar Book
In case you’re tempted to doubt my word for it, this book is not simply a work of art stuffed with entertaining literary excerpts interspersed with wonderful, historically accurate recipes. It was also published by Martha Stewart’s ex-husband, which lends a Schadenfreudean sweetness to each and every sip you enjoy of every drink whose recipe you read here. All of the recipes are good, and so are the stories from the likes of Ernest Hemingway and Graham Greene. I am serious: all of the recipes. You literally cannot go wrong with this book.
Thirdly, we will suggest sticking to beverages in which juice, tea or carbonation feature prominently, as becoming “dehydrated” and napping in direct sunshine is very bad for the skin. Tea has almost mystical cooling properties, which is why they drink so much tea in the tropics.
Beverages served on the rocks, as previously discussed, are what’s called for here. Also acceptable are chilled beverages served in their individual containers: beer, wine coolers, hard lemonade, etc. For keeping them cool, we are not entirely opposed to “sleeves” of one kind or another, although we prefer the Chuggie to match the Thuggie rather than just advertise Billy Bob’s Fried Chicken Shack or whatever.
The Chuggie is not an option for formal occasions
There is nothing the least bit Gatsbyesque about that, is there?
We will pointedly NOT be discussing blender drinks, for lo, we are over thirty, and our eardrums are delicate.
For more formal occasions where neither your Chuggie nor your Thuggie are welcome, we recommend a large, flawless pitcher, some tall glasses, and a great deal of ice. Thusly:
YES:
Also yes:
MAYBE:
NO:
And somehow this has turned into a pitcher post, which I had not intended. Okay, recipes and “booze theory” post coming next, I promise.
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