Women laughing "alone" with salad Halloween Costume
If you’re at all like me (and who would admit it if they were?) you’ve got a stack of Self magazines head-high taking up the space where your life-size Aragorn used to stand proudly, and what have you got to show for it except an exhaustive knowledge of the phytochemical composition of any grocery item, the ability to perform a flawless plié squat, and about ten million pictures of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.
Well, now you can put that collection to practical use as the model for a cheap and un-constricting Halloween costume! Bonus cultural literacy points for timely meme reference that only about 25% of your friends will get, even if you’re all on Tumblr.
Today’s food news comes to us from the cast of the late, great Harry Potter movies. Remember when Neville Longbottom was a potatoface? Remember when Luna was an unpopular nutbar? Well, you’ll be happy to know that their characters’ less attractive qualities have been put behind them and they still manage to be free spirits.
Those two were always trouble!
“Matt and I, are somewhat like partners in crime. Whenever we finish our scenes first, while the others are doing theirs, we kind of hide in opposite corners of the set and roll bagels to each other , and then no one realizes it because they’re so busy acting. Matt and I run away before anyone can catch us and then when they play the scene back they see a couple of bagels happily rolling across the set.”
Really, you can keep your glitter ponies and your balloon-bending clowns. Matt Stache is the best entertainment a party could have. Also handy in case of zombie invasion, as he comes with more weaponry than G.I. Joe ever dreamed of. Here’s the latest in the Will It Saber series from our bubbly good buddy, which we feature because it’s great fun and NOT AT ALL because we got a shout-out in the video. Not at all.
We can’t find exactly that spear head on Amazon, but this Cold Steel Assegai‘s pretty close:
And I don’t know why, but when you search Amazon for Spear Head, you also get these Naughty Monkey Clogs, so what the hell. SHOES!
Start with: one bottle of imported, yummy beverage (beer is used for demonstration purposes, but any non-twistoff metal capped beverage will work, Orangina or Newcastle Brown, we’re equal-opportunity drinkers in the Manolosphere) and one piece of paper.
You may doodle on the paper if you wish, but not passionately. Structural integrity is important!
Now fold as demonstrated in this video, leverage against your fingers, and wallah! Apply contents of bottle to back of throat and enjoy!
Of course, if you’re lost without your accoutrements, we recommend one of the following:
The multifunctional carabiner bottle opener, very useful on your next expedition, even if it’s only to the mall.
If that’s not your style, how about this one:
This sleek bottle opener is more James Bond than Jon Krakauer, so save it for opening your more upscale bevvies.
One finds the strangest things, one does, when surfing the internet looking for virtual presents for other bloggers (don’t ask). One of those things is this: the confetti bedazzled winebottle fishnet thingummy, which really should be on Regretsy, except it appears also to be mass-produced, because I guess the masses want their booze to look more Kardashian.
When one puts “wine” together with “confetti” the above is not acceptable (unless, of course, one is gifting someone to celebrate her victory at America’s Next Top Ecdysiast). The following IS:
A handblown Italian wineglass. It’s just special enough to make an al fresco afternoon a little more exciting. And I like a fairly substantial glass for drinking wine outdoors. It just feels more medieval to me, as if Jonathan Rhys Meyers or Alan Rickman might show up on a horse and join me for a glass. And what is the point of being outside if they’re not going to, I ask? Rhetorically, of course: they wouldn’t show up without a proper invitation…now, do any of you have their emails?
Speaking of bad manners and bad ideas and wine, we present the following, tangentially-related video, one of a very amusing series on YouTube called My Drunk Kitchen. If you’ve watched every Sandra Lee show ever aired and are pining for something even more Out There, why, this girl has got you covered. Personally, I suspect that more than two bottles of bubbly were involved in the production of these “cookies,” and I’d like to know since when does YouTubing pay that much, but that is neither here nor there. Nor over there either.
When your cooking project requires a spotter for safety reasons, maybe it’s time to order in.
Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Mr. Manolo Blahnik. This website is not affiliated in any way with Mr. Manolo Blahnik, any products bearing the federally registered trademarks MANOLO®, BLAHNIK® or MANOLO BLAHNIK®, or any licensee of said federally registered trademarks. The views expressed on this website are solely those of the author.