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Sunday Food Porn: Italian Seafood Spread Edition

Feast your eyes on this!

Italian Seafood Spread from Osteria di Brera in Milan

Italian Seafood Spread from Osteria di Brera in Milan

I’m using this pic as inspiration, as tomorrow I’m hosting a dinner party with an Italian theme. And as readers of this blog know, I am no cook. Hell, after 13 years of living in Chinatown where I can get dim sum for $2 a plate and cooked shrimp for $5 a pound, I’m lucky I can even remember how to turn on the stove. I’ll be attempting a puttanesca sauce, which even a lug like me can get right, and if that fails I’ll be attempting to get my guests drunk on Negronis prior to the main course. Antipasti, puttanesca, chopped salad, and cannoli with perhaps a sorbetto for dessert. And lots and lots of wine. Wish me luck!

Hello Kitty, Goodbye Appetite

Hello Kitty, goodbye appetite!

Hello Kitty, goodbye appetite!

Have you ever heard of aversion therapy? I think that’s what must have been in the sick and twisted mind of the person who came up with these (yes, that is a hair bow made of pepperoni). What better way to lose weight than to take one of the world’s most satisfying and popular foods and make it revolting? There is a circle of hell reserved for people who come up with Hello Kitty product ideas, and it is bright pink.

OM NOM NOM!

Chiabattaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Chiabattaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

And don’t ask about dips.

Gino D’Acampo, the truly naked chef

Oh my. Oh my goodness. My, my, my, my, my.

Hunky Italian chef Gino D’Acampo is a big man, and a total hambone. When he loses a bet, he doesn’t shrivel up, he antes up. Here he goes Jamie Oliver one better by becoming a truly Naked Chef, and never mind the risks to life, limb, and little buddy.

From TheDailyWhat:

Long story short, Italian chef Gino D’Acampo made a promise to viewers of ITV’s This Morning that, should the show win a National Television Award, he would return to cook sans clothes. Well, they won, and he did.

That takes sfere, and, as you can see, Gino is a man who knows where to draw the line, who’s not as likely to run something up the flagpole and see who salutes as he is to carry his cowl where the sun don’t shine. Of the three of them on-camera (and the vast, multitudinous horde swarming around off-camera) only one person keeps his cool when the heat is on and the dial is turned up to 12. He barely cracks a smile even as his boneheaded cohosts pull boner after boner during this simple segment on preparing gammon and mushy peas.

Yes, Gino D’Acampo is the obvious weiner.

Who Knew?

Chef Boyardee isn't in the kitchen tonight

We've found the problem: Chef Boyardee isn't in the kitchen tonight

It’s your own fault for booking on a Monday, rube!

In related news, Chef Boyardee was a real chef, and he never would have gone near PG-13 crap like Zoodles!

Why Gnott?

It explodes alrighty, and not just with flavour

It explodes alrighty, and not just with flavour

In today’s lesson, Steve from Webrestaurantstore will demonstrate why we shouldn’t deep-fry gnocchi and, for bonus points, why our solution to somethingdeep-fried spitting at us should not be to turn up the heat. Oh, you may think you know this stuff already, but do put in the time to watch this video, at least up to the 1:45 mark. You won’t regret it.

via MisterHippity

In related news, this civilian was actually successful in his attempt, but then he had the good sense to a) use cooked gnocchi as his substrate and b) batter the gnocchi first, thus rendering its exterior significantly freer of H20. Still, speaking for myself I’d have to say that battered, deep-fried potato dumplings are not exactly something that makes my mouth water, and I’m not even on a low-carb diet. We have starch, wrapped in starch, deep-fried. Please stop the madness.