Suck on this, Skyscrapers! Gyeongbok Palace by Laszlo Ilyes

Prepare to be gobsmacked by this gentleman of the road, a mere street food vendor in the humble Namdaemun Market in Seoul, Korea. In only a couple of minutes he spins a hunk of chilled honey into 16,000 delicious candy threads, then rolls and stuffs them to form individual desserts. While he calls this an ancient Korean delicacy, it’s really nothing more or less than a dressed up version of that staple known as Dragon’s Beard in any Chinatown, or Cotton Candy in any county fair.

I’d tip big for a snack served with a side of this fresh charm.

He's a handsy little fellas

We’re all familiar with the tradition of leaving out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Some smart households even supplement the offering with a glass of milk or eggnog, in the general interest of keeping the stealthy old bugger away from the liquor cabinet. But does anyone know why it’s cookies we offer instead of, say, aspic molds or cupcakes or platypus turnovers?

I do, and I’m here to tell you the secret.

Santa is a ninja.

No, wait, this makes total sense: Santa is a ninja, and he does not in fact eat all those cookies; goodness no! Imagine the calories in all those carb-laden treats! What Santa does is, he uses his magical powers, which already allow him to visit billions of homes leaving presents at each in a single night, to turn regular cookies into ninja cookies.

Stick with me here.

Before:

Christmas Gingerbread Men and Women, BEFORE

After:

Ninjabread Men: this is what happens when Santa gets his mitts on regular cookies

See how that works? And here’s a lovely Spode tidbit tray of Ninjabread Men, just exactly as you see them in the morning:

I was trying to think about anything unusual relating to food that I had had recently. Something that might make a good gift for Christmas or just something interesting to try. A gift for yourself, if you would.

About 2 months ago I was invited to the grand opening of an artisanal olive oil producer, Lucero Olive Oils. They are located in Northern California and produce a wonderful variety of olive oils, balsamic vinegars and tapenades and mustards. Everything that I tried was good.

However, the most interesting thing I had was Chocolate Olive Oil over ice cream. It was delicious and unusual. A wonderful chocolate flavor with the silky (I was thinking slippery but silky makes better marketing) mouthfeel of olive oil. And still the hints of olive. It was extremely good over vanilla ice cream. I also tried their lemon infused olive oil which was also very good over ice cream and I think would be very good drizzled over some linguine along with some toasted pine nuts and sizzled garlic.

A must for the Choco-Holic who has everything.

If you want to try something different and delicious, order a bottle of the Chocolate Olive Oil. You can show off to your friends and give them an experience that they probably never had before. Be the first one on your block to have some.

Erik Nabler,

N.B. Guest blogger Erik Nabler blogs regularly about drinks and drinking at the Liquor Locusts.

Affogato, easy and snooty to boot!

When I was asked to do a guest post by the Manolo I was stunned by the compliment. The Great Manolo Blahnik asking me to write a piece for him. Awesome! Sadly, my joy did not last when I learned that it was Manolo the Shoeblogger.

So, back to reality. Mostly I write about alcohol related items. This is a food blog, though. So, we need to combine the two.

I remembered years ago being taken to an Italian restaurant in the Marina District of San Francisco. We apparently went there because our companions did not cook. I found out how much they could not cook when they ordered plain spaghetti. When I say plain, I do not mean with a simple marinara or a nice putanesca, but boiled pasta. Just boiled. For God’s sake, learn to boil at least!

The dinner was good, though, and the dessert menu had an item I had never eaten, affogato. Affogato is Italian for “drowned”. It is a simple dessert where you pour a shot of hot espresso over a scoop of good gelato or vanilla ice cream. We loved it and were also suitably impressed by their ability to charge so much for a scoop of vanilla with coffee on top.

So, make this dessert to impress your friends. First, always refer to it as affogato, never “coffee and ice cream”. You can even buy good espresso at a coffee shop and reheat immediately before serving. Make sure that you use gelato or a very good, dense vanilla ice cream such as Ben & Jerry’s or Godiva, or, if you are lucky, the Holy Grail of ice cream – Dr. Bob’s.

And now to pimp the alcohol. To make this dessert truly impressive, find a bottle of Firelit Spirits Coffee Liqueur. This is simply the best coffee liqueur ever. It truly tastes of coffee and is not overly sweet as Kahlua or Tia Maria or others. Our review on this wonder beverage is here. Find a bottle of this, heat it, pour it over Dr. Bob’s or gelato and it will be almost impossible to top you in the dessert department. (For those poor souls who cannot find this spirit, try mixing Amaretto and espresso. It is good, just not divine.)

There you have it, an easy dessert that takes little time but will impress your Christmas or New Year’s guests just the same.

N.B. Guest blogger Erik Nabler blogs regularly about drinks and drinking at the Liquor Locusts.

I know! I thought they all did, too!

This one comes from Twitter:

And, yeah, if you need a Sandra Lee fix today (remember, that Christmas episode is coming up!) here you go. Watch it and weep. Weep for our culture.

For those who didn’t grow up in the Carolinas, I’d like to introduce you to two sweet southern delicacies -

The first you’ve probably seen around, as in the last ten years, this fine, fragile flower of southern femininity blossomed from a small town girl, born and bred in Winston Salem, North Carolina, to a true big city gal.

photo, Scott Ableman

I’m talking, of course, about Miss Krispy Kreme.

You may not, however, have met this fella -

photo, r_bowley

Cheerwine, an obscenely saccharine, cherry flavored soda, from Salisbury, NC.

In a match made in Dixie heaven, the two paired for a limited run and have been gettin’ on like a house afire, selling out around the Carolinas.

photo, John Rottet, News & Observer

Classic glazed KKs, filled with Cheerwine cream and topped with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. Mmmm mmmm.

Well folks, there’s only one week left to sample the product of this sweet, sweet marriage. So get those big wheels a turnin’ and head down to the southland.

I went to high school in the golden age of the vending machine, before children’s health advocates sought to remove the blasted things from the hallowed halls of our nation’s schools. To save lunch money so as to be able to put it toward more elicit enterprises, I often skipped the cafeteria (despite the fact that it offered delicious Chick-fil-a sandwiches) in favor of the super cheap “canteen,” a vast city of Coke machines and Frito-Lay.

Though I usually opted for what was considered the “cool” lunch combo – a pack of Mambas and a Diet Coke, I sometimes “accidentally” pushed the button for Red Zingers, only to be “forced” to eat the day-glo cakes because my maladroit hands had misfired. I felt shame, but still oh so happy to sink my teeth into the artificial moistness of the buoyant flesh of the little suckers.

Now, however, my humiliation in enjoying snack cakes can be outlawed like oh so many vending machines, thanks to bakeries that are doing their own high end versions of childhood favorites.

In Southern California comes Cake Monkey, which offers a wide assortment of prettily packaged treats.

I am particularly fond of the  Cakewiches (especially the peanut butter creme) because I love a good chocolate coating.

In Denver, Watercourse Bakery offers a vegan version of the classic Ho Ho, a beautifully constructed monstrosity of mysterious, but reliably sourced ingredients

photo Liz Kellermeyer, Westword

If only they’d sold these in the canteen, I could have spent those formative years with my head held high instead mired in a bed of cream filled ignominy.

Swedish fish sushi with Rice Krispy Treat rice and some kind of fruit roll up nori. I wonder what you dip it in instead of soy sauce? Coke? Maple syrup? Kool-Aid?

photo by Bloody Marty Mix