It’s your own fault for booking on a Monday, rube!
In related news, Chef Boyardee was a real chef, and he never would have gone near PG-13 crap like Zoodles!
It’s your own fault for booking on a Monday, rube!
In related news, Chef Boyardee was a real chef, and he never would have gone near PG-13 crap like Zoodles!
On the bright side, nobody can accuse Bourdain of being a passively detached parent.
via BlackBook
Bonus Bourdain:
“If you’re looking for elitism and hypocrisy and silliness, you need only look to food. Which is ready for a parody and backlash. I make a good living at it. But really it’s also just a part of a natural process, don’t you think? It was inevitable for this happen.”
Indeed it was, and high time. We’ve got to get in there before the industry entirely descends to unconscious self-parody. Although from time to time it appears we may be too late.
Am I the only one fatigued by all of this stuff? The only diner out there exhausted by the fastidiousness applied to $38 pappardelle and $3 frozen pop on a stick alike? The only one who feels bludgeoned by people swinging their expertise like so much boneless, air-dried Italian lomo? Incidentally, did you know Las Vegas chef Michael Mina poaches only fish in ocean water flown in from Fiji? Well, I know!
I know because I am part of the problem. Not a huge part; I only occasionally write about food. But I do openly wonder why more burger joints don’t make their own brioche buns and ketchup.
Incidentally, very few people who’ve worked at “burger joints” have such questions.
I know! I thought they all did, too!
This one comes from Twitter:
And, yeah, if you need a Sandra Lee fix today (remember, that Christmas episode is coming up!) here you go. Watch it and weep. Weep for our culture.
Happy Holidays, y’all! Here is a lovely little interview from Vanity Fair, in which that li’l pat of sunshine Paula Deen holds forth on Thanksgiving etiquette, doggy bowel movements and their relation to the Survival Principle, and the infamous butter scene in Last Tango in Paris. You must read it. No, you MUST, y’all.
A snippet:
Do you have a Thanksgiving recipe that’s made entirely out of butter?
Just butter? I don’t know. I guess you could unwrap a stick of butter and pour a bottle of jam over it. That might be tasty. But I wouldn’t want to serve it to my family at Thanksgiving.
You are the Butter Queen, right?
Yeah, I have been called that. I do love butter. I don’t care what you’re fixin’, butter makes everything taste better.
I’m assuming your butter enthusiasm has nothing to do with the movie Last Tango in Paris.
I don’t think so. Do they eat a lot of butter in that film?
Well, they don’t eat it exactly.
What did they do with it?
[Long pause.] Uh… I don’t think I know how to explain it without embarrassing both of us.
Is it something dirty? [Laughs.]
You could say that, sure.
Does it have something to do with how your wife got pregnant?
Actually, no. You have the wrong … It’s a different, you know… It’s lower down on the … [Long pause.] Wow, this is amazing. You’ve actually turned the tables on me. I’m flummoxed!
Well honey, you’re the one who brought it up.
Here’s what I can tell you. Marlon Brando used butter in a slightly more intimate way than you do on your Food Network shows.
Ooooh. Well I will definitely check that out.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to awkwardly change the subject.
If you need to.
I think that poor interviewer has the vapors!
Paula Deen, in case you’ve been living under a rock, is a cook of exaggerated Southernosity, one whose veins run with clarified butter instead of icky old blood like regular people.
Since we featured Poutine, the Great Canadian Hangover Cure the other day, I thought we might as well feature the American equivalent, so here is Paula Deen and her guest making and consuming a donut bacon egg burger.
You people think you have the Sandra Lee thang all to yourselves, but the truth is, she’s simply one iteration of a worldwide plague; why, we even have one up here in Canuckistan!
Here is renowned “celebrity chef” (look, it’s Canada. In the US, celebrities need crowd control; in Canada, they need nametags) Reed Farrington (as portrayed by Gerry Eng), personifying the Canadian can-do spirit, combining three packaged convenience foods into one mouth-watering national classic dish: POUTINE!
Or, as he calls it, Poo-teen. I’ve never seen it eaten with chopsticks before, but hey, it’s a nice multicultural touch.
Cooking With Gerry – Episode #2: Poutine from Jay Cheel on Vimeo.
In fact, it doesn’t really matter what quality of components you use; the result always turns into a soggy, cholesterol-laden heart attack on a plate, rich in what hangover sufferers call “Vitamin G.” Here’s the recipe, for those of you who are not video-positive:
If this isn’t enough to clog your arteries, poutine (pronounced “p’TIN” with a contemptuous expression {as are all Quebecois words, actually}) is an essential ingredient in the Angry French Canadian Sandwich:
This is what Nigella Lawson’s library looks like. Yes, Nigella Lawson is, in fact, perfect. There, doesn’t that wash away the horrid, saccharine aftertaste of the last post?
Congratulations and commiserations to the people of New York State, who now have this gibbering 70’s throwback as their common-law First Lady. At least the political news has a shot at being mildly amusing, in, say, the way laughing at a 39-year-old with a Scooby Doo birthday theme is mildly amusing.
Let’s check out one of the lady’s recipes, shall we? What about her infamous Kwanzaa Cake?
1 (10 to 12-ounce) purchased angel food cake
1 container (16 ounce) vanilla frosting
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (21-ounce) container apple filling or topping
1 (1.7-ounce) package corn nuts
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds, toasted
1/2 cup popped popcornSpecial Equipment:
Kwanzaa candlesUsing a serrated knife, cut cake horizontally into 2 layers. Place bottom cake layer, cut side up, on a serving platter. Mix frosting, cocoa powder, vanilla, and cinnamon in large bowl until combined. Spread about 1/4 of the frosting over top of cake layer on platter. Top with second cake layer, cut side down. Spread remaining frosting evenly over top and sides of cake to coat completely. Spoon apple pie filling into hole in center of cake. Place candles atop cake. Sprinkle top of cake with some corn nuts, pumpkin seeds, and popcorn. Sprinkle remaining corn nuts and pumpkin seeds around base of cake.
And then, presumably, set it on fire and give heartfelt Kwanzaa thanks for the fact that nobody could expect you to put that in your mouth.
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