It’s hard to know who to blame for the culinary abominations produced by Sandra Lee: the host herself? her pharmacist? Absolut? or (god help us) Popov? But new evidence has surfaced that clearly indicates where the infamous Lee found her inspiration: drag queens.
Watch this video and see if you can detect any difference between a Sandra Lee semi-homemade concoction and this one.
Surrealism and cuisine go back a long way, with greater or lesser results in terms of success. This is one of the all-time highs.
Another high point was the publication of The Surreal Gourmet: Real Food for Pretend Chefs, which introduced the world to the concept of dishwasher salmon. Keeping it surreal, yo.
This was real. This was a real thing. The late, great Phyllis Diller had her own line of chili and apparently it wasn’t half bad.
Except for the puns.
You can judge for yourself what kind of a
kook cook she was by playtesting her recipe for stuffed mushroom caps, from the Celebrity Cookbook byy Johna Blinn.
Warning: it comes from the days when salt, pepper, and parsley comprised the bulk of a cook’s spice repertoire. Click to enlarge, if you DARE! Can you imagine what Food Network would be like with a Phyllis Diller cooking show? It would be like a kegger at Auntie Mame’s, that’s what it would be like, and she would snap Giada like a twig.
I know I’ve done a Dangleboris everywhere lately, but it’s addictive! And hell, some people have always thought he was a bit of a dip.
Well everything in this list is the Avengers, and if you do all of them, nothing will hurt.
Until the next morning.
A little background: I am proud of my country. We have invented many useful household items like the zipper, the electric kettle, and the lightbulb (yes, look it up: Edison bought the patent off two Maritimers). We have also invented some less useful, even possibly noxious things, among them Nickelback and the shooter.
This is a shot glass ostentatiously filled with boozy liquids, sometimes layered, sometimes artistically sculpted, like the Brain Hemorrhage. Always with a catchy name (it’s not the taste that sells these). Think of them as the redneck cousin of the pousse cafe. They are not ordered one at a time, but by the tray, usually by fratboys or those who wish they were fratboys.
Unfortunately, we can’t take credit for the Avengers (Canada trends much more DC than Marvel), that record-obliterating hommage to spandex underwear perverts. So we’ll consider this a hands-across-the-border kind of thing: a roundup of Avengers-themed shooters.
Notice the Black Widow is mysteriously missing. That’s okay, there’s a quite palatable cocktail by that name: just mix one, and pour it into four shotglasses. Instant shooters! Today’s woman doesn’t sit around waiting to be included in a shooter roundup: she just goes out and links herself up a stiff drink.
Now, the roundup, from EXP Bar Online on Tumblr. According to them you must do these in order: Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, and Hulk. Have the ingredients well chilled in advance so they layer nicely.
Captain America: Doctor Erskine was going to share blueberry schnapps with him, but he couldn’t have it. Also due to his advanced tissues on his organs can’t get drunk. Hence this shot is the weakest.
Iron man: Tony stark has battled on and off with alcoholism so his tolerance for alcohol is high hence the high proof rum, yet he tries to not drink hence the grenadine to dilute the alcohol.
Thor: He is a god. He drinks after battle and can handle his alcohol, yet human alcohol seems to affect him more hence he is the middle.
Hawkeye: Just a normal human with unbelievable accuracy with all fire arms, bow being his weapon of choice. (p.s. Unlike the trailers we here at EXP bar on line do support Hawkeye and think he is bad ass)
Hulk: He’s the hulk, as he so eloquently has stated in the past. “HULK AM THE STRONGEST THERE IS!!!!!” hence he is last.
So there you have it the avengers shot challenge. enjoy.
And the recipes (for all these drinks, you build it in the glass, pousse-cafe style. Although if you call it that, someone will puke on your shoes.
Captain America: Grenadine, Blue curacao, Blueberry schnapps
Iron Man: Grenadine, Blue curacao, Black heart spiced rum
Thor: Wild turkey American honey, Citrus Vodka
Hawkeye: Grape Pucker, Captain Morgan: Tattoo
Hulk: Grape Pucker, Absinthe (we used NV)
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So here I am, watching the Food Network Chopped All Stars and I find myself (not alone) irritated by Chef Penny, the self-described Persian Princess. But I’m not irritated with her because she’s a bitch (that would be hypocritical of me). I’m irritated with her because she’s either stupid or ignorant of the most basic geographic facts; these would be annoying enough, but she is also ostentatiously pretentious about mistakes these failings lead her to make.
No, Penny. You may not “bring Middle Eastern flavours” to the table with your Moroccan spice mix. You were born and raised in California; had you actually lived in the Middle East, you would perhaps be aware that it is about two thousand miles east of Morocco.
Now go tell half the menu writers in the world.
This one thanks to Celebrity Chef and Gourmet Ginger Bobby Flay.
He’s a New Yorker, in case you couldn’t tell.
20th Century review: “Piquant, with lingering notes of…”
21st Century review: “Off the chain.”