Manolo's Food Blog » American Food

140-character Restaurant Reviews

raincoaster — Sun, 13 May 2012 03:09:53 +0000

This one thanks to Celebrity Chef and Gourmet Ginger Bobby Flay.

Had an amazing dinner last night at Girl and the Goat in ChiTown.Gorgeous place, amazing food. Pork shank was off the chain.

April 19, 2012 4:10 am via Twitter for iPhone ReplyRetweetFavorite

@bflay

Bobby Flay

He’s a New Yorker, in case you couldn’t tell.

20th Century review: “Piquant, with lingering notes of…”

21st Century review: “Off the chain.”

Faking Foodieism

raincoaster — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 11:18:51 +0000

Lady Gaga just threw something together

When I saw an article called 20 Ways to Fake Being a Foodie, I poured myself a cup of something strong (I think it was Irish Breakfast) and settled down to enjoy some 100% organic, free-range snark. Imagine my disappointment when the article itself turned out to be a poorly-scrambled hash of How To Fake It and How To Buy More Expensive Stuff; indeed, the article seemed designed to earnestly foster the breeding and nurture of exactly the kind of pretentious know-nothing that has given foodieism a bad name.

Leaving, of course, a gaping hole in the Snark-O-Sphere. This is like waving a red flag made of alfalfa hay and cow hormones in front of a bull, so you know what I did next: THIS!

Douchebag

Twenty Ways to Fake Being a Foodie: by raincoaster

Take pictures of everything that you eat, no exceptions. That means everything from your morning coffee, which you will refer to as “petit café” right through to the last shot of rotgut you take before passing out in front of the tv. Bonus points for doing it with an SLR rather than an iPhone. Double bonus points if you change lenses first while your food gets cold.
Instagram that shit so nobody can tell what it really looks like anyway.
NEVER refer to a food, even English food, by English words. And don’t use Italian words when you can use French or Japanese. It’s not zucchini; it’s courgettes. Bookmark Babelfish for the purpose: SO handy for translating “Cream of Wheat” into Icelandic and tweeting out the result.
Cross-post all these pictures to every social media platform under the sun. Do not add anything new to any of the cross-posts. If someone wants to follow you on Twitter and be friends on Facebook, it must be because they want to see these things repeatedly, amirite? Have a blog; that should go without saying.
Claim to have originated the recipe for things which need no recipes, and put those recipes into blog posts which are then shared to all platforms in number 4. A good example would be a post that starts with, “I’m often asked by my [imaginary] friends for my killer recipe for ‘Sandwich à beurre d’arachide avec la confiture,’ so after much prodding I’ve decided to share the secret…”
When dining with others, physically interpose yourself between them and their food until you’ve composed and photographed it to your satisfaction. They will feel special.
Namedrop chefs who’ve appeared in Vogue, but not those who’ve been nominated for James Beard Awards.
Describe your groceries as “hyperlocal” because you buy them at the Safeway down the street.
Describe your groceries as “organic” because, hello, they’re not made of noble gas compounds, are they?
Describe your dinner party hors d’oeuvres of white toast and Cheez Whiz as “brushetta.”
Spell it like that.
Ostentatiously disdain and abuse one restaurant that you will never be able to afford. In advance. That way you don’t have to come up with excuses when you get invited there with friends.
Buy one bottle of super-premium olive oil. When it runs out, refill it with cheap olive oil bought because it was a similar colour.
Serve cheap wine in expensive glasses. Be sure the napkin around the label doesn’t slip. When someone questions the wine, say it hasn’t breathed enough, but you wanted to share “something really special” with your friends.
Don’t forget that time is precious when preparing for a dinner party. Pick up the stuffed loin at Costco and pretend you slaughtered the beast yourself “on Papa’s ranch.” That Papa’s ranch is the Rancho Vista Senior’s Center need not concern your guests.
Introduce yourself to the staff whenever you go out. Follow them into the kitchen and introduce yourself to everyone there. It’s so endearing, and they will never forget you.
Tip 10%. It keeps people on their toes.
Refer to the time you spent bagging groceries in high school as “my early culinary training.” Better yet, upgrade it to “doing a stage with Famous Chef.” He need never know. He probably wouldn’t remember your name if you had.
If you really, truly, cannot make any palatable food whatsoever, but people are coming over expecting to be bowled over by your cuisine (because you’ve been following tips 1 through 18) buy a metric shit-ton(ne) of fruits and green, leafy vegetables, bung the lot into a blender, and serve in milkshake cups, explaining you’re “over the macrobiotic thing, and really into Living Foods juicing now.”
If you have accidentally invited any actual raw vegans, fold immediately, you have met your match in pretention. How can you tell a raw vegan? Oh they’ll tell you!

Gwyn wins

Sunday Food Porn: Bacon Sammich Edition

raincoaster — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 05:28:39 +0000

BLT

This looks like the BLT to end all BLTs, and it looks bloody good to someone not too recently off a hunger strike.

Portrait of the Breakfast Food as an English Gentleman

raincoaster — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:49:45 +0000

That's SIR English Muffin to you

Sunday Food Porn: John Hammburger

raincoaster — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 16:30:52 +0000

John Hamm

Enjoy your Sunday food porn, this time with added celebrity goodness. Remember, always use a condiment!

In related news, to support the Heiltsiuk people and schoolchildren of Bella Bella in their protest of the Enbridge pipeline project, I’m going on a hunger strike for 48 hours, starting at 4pm today. Wish me luck; when I did the green smoothie cleanse, I lasted 36 hours, and that was drinking my own body weight in pureed spinach every day.

The students and staff of Bella Bella Community School stand together in opposition to the proposed Enbridge Pipeline that would bring supertankers filled with oil along the coast of the Great Bear Rainforest, jeopardizing the environment upon which we rely for sustenance, both physical and spiritual. We will be engaged in a 48-hour hunger strike from April 1st at 4 pm to April 3rd at 4 pm. This coincides with the Enbridge hearings in our community. We hope to open a dialogue with other concerned students and communicate through video conferencing during our hunger strike. We invite your school or community to join us in our strike and help make a statement that can’t be ignored.

You do not have to fast for the full 48 hours! If you have health concerns or are unable, for whatever reason, to fast with us, join us anyway. Help volunteer on the evening of the 1st or 2nd, fast for only a day, or half a day, or simply send out the invitation to as many people as you can think of. Every little bit counts. Please sign up and pass it on!

Enbridge Protest

OccupyVeggies!

raincoaster — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 20:35:49 +0000

carrots are the 99 %

For those of you who, like me, find the entire Occupy Movement to be really well-intentioned, justified, and (indeed) not a moment too soon, but also somewhat dry (The General Assembly is the Filboid Studge of participatory democracy) we have some good news! Occupy Wall Street’s Liberty Plaza General Assembly has taken a lesson from the mainstream media and spiced up its hard news Committee Reports section (is that Spokes? Or Tranches? Who can keepWall Street terminology straight anyway?) with some food-and-spirituality-related entertainment.

Behold:

Christine: let’s start. The name of your WG. Winter w Safer Spaces & spirit vegetable is edamame. #nycsc #ows

December 2, 2011 6:56 pm via Twitter for iPhone ReplyRetweetFavorite

Manolo's Food Blog » American Food

140-character Restaurant Reviews

Faking Foodieism

Twenty Ways to Fake Being a Foodie: by raincoaster

Sunday Food Porn: Bacon Sammich Edition

Portrait of the Breakfast Food as an English Gentleman

Sunday Food Porn: John Hammburger

OccupyVeggies!

Sunday Food Porn: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday Food Porn: The 99% Edition

Breakfast With Barack