I went to high school in the golden age of the vending machine, before children’s health advocates sought to remove the blasted things from the hallowed halls of our nation’s schools. To save lunch money so as to be able to put it toward more elicit enterprises, I often skipped the cafeteria (despite the fact that it offered delicious Chick-fil-a sandwiches) in favor of the super cheap “canteen,” a vast city of Coke machines and Frito-Lay.
Though I usually opted for what was considered the “cool” lunch combo – a pack of Mambas and a Diet Coke, I sometimes “accidentally” pushed the button for Red Zingers, only to be “forced” to eat the day-glo cakes because my maladroit hands had misfired. I felt shame, but still oh so happy to sink my teeth into the artificial moistness of the buoyant flesh of the little suckers.
Now, however, my humiliation in enjoying snack cakes can be outlawed like oh so many vending machines, thanks to bakeries that are doing their own high end versions of childhood favorites.
In Southern California comes Cake Monkey, which offers a wide assortment of prettily packaged treats.
I am particularly fond of the Cakewiches (especially the peanut butter creme) because I love a good chocolate coating.
In Denver, Watercourse Bakery offers a vegan version of the classic Ho Ho, a beautifully constructed monstrosity of mysterious, but reliably sourced ingredients
photo Liz Kellermeyer, Westword
If only they’d sold these in the canteen, I could have spent those formative years with my head held high instead mired in a bed of cream filled ignominy.