Happy Holidays, y’all! Here is a lovely little interview from Vanity Fair, in which that li’l pat of sunshine Paula Deen holds forth on Thanksgiving etiquette, doggy bowel movements and their relation to the Survival Principle, and the infamous butter scene in Last Tango in Paris. You must read it. No, you MUST, y’all.
Do you have a Thanksgiving recipe that’s made entirely out of butter?
Just butter? I don’t know. I guess you could unwrap a stick of butter and pour a bottle of jam over it. That might be tasty. But I wouldn’t want to serve it to my family at Thanksgiving.
You are the Butter Queen, right?
Yeah, I have been called that. I do love butter. I don’t care what you’re fixin’, butter makes everything taste better.
I’m assuming your butter enthusiasm has nothing to do with the movie Last Tango in Paris.
I don’t think so. Do they eat a lot of butter in that film?
Well, they don’t eat it exactly.
What did they do with it?
[Long pause.] Uh… I don’t think I know how to explain it without embarrassing both of us.
Is it something dirty? [Laughs.]
You could say that, sure.
Does it have something to do with how your wife got pregnant?
Actually, no. You have the wrong … It’s a different, you know… It’s lower down on the … [Long pause.] Wow, this is amazing. You’ve actually turned the tables on me. I’m flummoxed!
Well honey, you’re the one who brought it up.
Here’s what I can tell you. Marlon Brando used butter in a slightly more intimate way than you do on your Food Network shows.
Ooooh. Well I will definitely check that out.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to awkwardly change the subject.
If you need to.
I think that poor interviewer has the vapors!
Let me ask you seriously: what would your Thanksgiving turkey have to do to win a pardon from you? I mean, NO TURKEY FOR YOU THIS YEAR. You’ll make do with sliders, or Filet o’ Fish sandwiches, or tofurkey instead of that lovely, lovely bird with the tasty, tasty drumsticks. You still get the stuffing (dressing, technically), the mashed potatoes, the rest of the holiday hooplah, but no turkey.
Well, this just does not look good.
ZOMG, this means one of two things. Either cases upon cases of Spam were airlifted to the grounded cruise ship and NOT fed to people, or the crew ate it and substituted something else pink, glistening, and meat-like. Which reminds me, has anyone seen the navigator?
I regretfully report that the Great Earl Grey/Chocolate experiment was not a success. Perhaps I should have put more gin in there? Nah, Gin doesn’t go with chocolate either.
These days it seems like everybody, no matter how unqualified, has a diet plan nowadays, but frankly, this Andy Warhol New York City diet sounds like a winner to me. You could always count on Andy to get to the heart of the American experience while simultaneously hovering outside of the mainstream.
…he explained in his 1975 book The Philosophy of Andy Warhol that he stayed thin by ordering things he disliked in restaurants — even fashionable and expensive ones such as La Grenouille. While his companions ate, he picked at his plate and then had the food wrapped up so he could leave it somewhere for a homeless person to find.
Nowadays, of course, he could just hand it to the two or three people sitting on the sidewalk directly outside the restaurant, or call FoodRunners or the NYC equivalent. Then Andy would go off to Chock Full O’ Nuts and order a cream cheese and nut sandwich on date-nut bread just like he always did, and which is, if you think about it, quite respectable and delicious as long as you steer clear of cheap Chinese walnuts. I’ll take mine with hazelnuts, please, to go.
“Progress is very important and exciting in everything except food.”