The Face of Crystal Head Vodka

Well, this is legitimately insane.

Crystal Head vodka, Dan Ackroyd’s side venture, is packaged in a, yes, crystal skull, meant to reference the mysterious crystal skulls of Mesoamerica. Now a very bored forensic sculptor has taken one of the decanters and reconstructed the face of the human behind it. Sure. Why not? It’s vodka; you’re supposed to go a little crazy, right?

The company says, “Forensic artist Nigel from Scotland shared these incredible images with us. Check it out how he’s using his empty CHV bottles!”

Crystal Skull 1

Crystal Skull 1

Crystal Skull 2 Crystal Skull 3 Crystal Skull 4

Crystal Skull 5

Crystal Skull 5

Crystal Skull 6

That dude is wasted. So would you be, if you had a head full of vodka. We can all drink to that, in these sassy Doom Crystal Skull Head Vodka Shot Glasses.

But wait, I think I recognize him!

From the Department of Someone Should Switch to Decaf…

Coffee Crazy

Coffee Crazy

Well, this is relatively insane.

First of all, dude definitely does not need more caffeine in his life. Secondly, Folgers coffee plus foam does not equal a latte. It equals … well, it is to a latte as the winner of the Seniors division of the Midwestern Exotic Dancing Championships is to Kate Upton. Thirdly, this wouldn’t be a latte even if it were made with espresso; it would be a cappuccino. But he does do one thing right here: he gives it to the caffeine-deprived woman. That is ALWAYS the right choice.

If you absolutely must have this gadget, I beg of you: Use decent coffee. But here you go. The Mr. Coffee BVMC-EL1 Cafe Latte is less than $50 at Amazon.

Sunday Food Porn: Irish Porn

Taking things a little more literally than usual…

Coffee Talk just got real

 

Coffee Talk, yo. Straight talk.

Coffee Talk, yo. Straight talk.

Word up, my friend. The importance of staying properly hydrated cannot be stressed enough, and by “properly hydrated” I mean that you must bring water to me in the form of strong coffee, good black tea, or (at a stretch) fresh lemonade.

Burger Tour BC: Victoria Beacon Drive In

It is a fact universally acknowledged that a raincoaster in possession of a dining-out budget must be in need of a burger. I admit it: I’m a sucker for any savory-looking patty with nice buns. I try hard not to be That Guy, that guy who orders the steak at a seafood restaurant, but when there’s a burger on the menu it’s gonna get ordered and that’s a fact. Since I’ve been traveling the back roads and highways of BC lately I will update you on the state of burgerage around the province, starting with the capital, which is not Vancouver which everybody thinks it is, but Victoria, land of the newly wed and nearly dead.

Of Victoria we have spoken before, and shall again, for it is one of my favorite cities. Large enough and wealthy enough (thanks to our taxes!) to have a great arts scene, but small enough to be walkable, at least neighborhood by neighborhood, with a great transit system, a magnificent setting, and a foodie culture that runs far more to the making than the ordering-and-photographing, it’s a charming, pretty city. Heck, I made an offhand reference to it on a hacker forum recently and was blizzarded with posts expressing just how much these hardcore hackers adored twee little Victoria, with its houseboats, its shameless Anglophilia, and its borderline-deranged worship of afternoon tea.

God only knows how many burgers I ate there, but here is one whose photo I happen to have with me at the moment.

Beacon Drive In burger

Beacon Drive In burger

The Beacon Drive In just beside Beacon Hill Park boasts that it has been “Serving up smiles since 1958″ and I don’t doubt it, in part because I’m not sure they ever redecorated. I remember coming here in the early 80’s, and it was laughably old-fashioned then. Now, it’s bloody priceless (which reminds me, is Archie from the comic books still driving that ridiculous Model T, because if he is, it must be worth about the cost of a new Lambo, but I digress). It’s also still busy, for good reason.

Not only is the menu a classic Diner With Everything from a Gidget movie, but it has West Coast add-ons like the Oyster Burger and Salmon Burger. Mine hostess and photographer Lori Dunn even got a float, it’s that old-fashioned. You can order a float here without being ironic.

In the 80’s it was famous for its onion rings, and even now they’re terrific; perfectly cooked in a crispy batter that’s not too thick, the onions within just caramelized enough to fall apart when bitten and not before. Could use a bit of seasoning salt, but that’s my only quibble. I ordered the BBQ Swiss Mushroom Burger and it was exactly as a diner burger should be; sloppy with sauce, juicy patty, whopping big pickle on top. There’s nothing exceptional about the sauce or the burger or the bun; it is exactly what it seems, a plain low rent burger that is nonetheless perfectly respectable in its blue-collar way. Note: the “Screaming Deluxe” Cheeseburger has hot sauce. And this is a place where “Deluxe” itself means “comes with lettuce, tomato, and onions.” So don’t be sniffing that you can’t find truffle fries on the menu. If Bruce Springsteen eats truffle fries, I don’t wanna KNOW! You know what I’m saying?

Beacon Drive In Soft Serve

Beacon Drive In Soft Serve

But the soft serve looks truly wonderful, and if it hadn’t been freezing cold and raining I’d have tried some. Striped, swirled ice cream! Truly, we live in an age of wonders.

More burgers to come! And even some non-burger food items!

Christmas Season Cocktails

Red, green and gold are the colours of Christmas – the winter berries, evergreen trees and soft candlelight have brought this time of year to life for centuries. And it’s this trio of glowing, festive shades that forms the basis for colourful Christmas cocktails.

From the glow of straight whisky in a handcrafted tumbler through to the warming, honeyed spice of a homemade Hot Toddy or the classic Scotch cocktail, the Rusty Nail, gold predominates in many classic Christmas drinks. And Smirnoff Gold, with real gold flakes and a light cinnamon flavour, could have been tailor-made for Christmas. Mix it with ginger for a Golden Mule, apple and lemonade for an Apple Bite Gold, or pair with sparkling apple juice to create The Golden Flute – the gold dancing in the bubbles is Christmas in a glass.

Use bold scarlet hues to your advantage. The Secret Garden, a blend of autumn fruits innovatively served in jam jars, makes an impressive choice for Christmas dinner parties. Or the classic Negroni, with its festive ruby glow, has been a cocktail hour favourite since Fosco Scarselli invented it around a century ago; the Rossini is a colourful contemporary take on the Bellini.


The Classic Cosmo

The Classic Cosmo – Drink Like it’s 1999

Christmas was typically the time when country folk first tasted the season’s sloe gin. Cocktails made from sloes, the dark fruit picked from the hedgerows and related to the plum, can be delicious. From the Sloe Bramble to the Sloe Gin Fizz, make a colourful Christmas choice. As with many a stuffed turkey, it’s hard to go wrong with cranberry at Christmas – either mix your favourite spirit with cranberry juice for refreshing drinks such as a Vodka Cranberry, or opt for contemporary cocktails like the Frosted Rose and French 21, or even the classic Cosmopolitan.

Serve up a beautiful array of drinks that match the evocative shades of the festive season.

Best of the Holiday Spirits to You!

GPOY, as the kids say

GPOY, as the kids say

This really is a gift: the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages. I should start a Tumblr dedicated to this rarefied art form: the inspirational fitness quote, overlaid on a photograph of someone determinedly working their way through a bender.

Originally stolen from TheChive.

Happy Thanksgiving, Yankistan!

From me up in Canuckistan and Gary Oldman back in Blighty, I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with love, happiness, family, friends, pumpkin pie, turkey, stuffing, and definitely none of that sweet potato pie/casserole crap, which is just what Southerners have instead of decent carbohydrates.

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